ZOMG Lucifer
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: A strange and yet hilarious retelling of Cinderella through the eyes and events of Lucifer the cat...


Yoshizilla: Hmmm...as of this writing, I'm on the favorite list of 100 people and on the author list of 40 people...wow. Such a strange occurrence, no? Because 70 authors are on my favorite list, 30 stories are on my favorite list, and I'm part of 10 communities...and if I still had exactly 100 fanfics written and published, then I would think that it's a conspiracy. But anyway, I'm just saying things that seem strange to say. Oh well.

Disclaimer: (groans) Get on with the damn fanfic.

Yoshizilla: (bites tongue) Oh, all right! This is a Cinderella story, deal with it.

Disclaimer: I don't even know who owns the Cinderella characters, but I'll say this...this fanfic is based on Disney's cartoon movie version. So there.

Yoshizilla: That's it?

Disclaimer: I did say I was lazy.

Yoshizilla: (shrugs)

Disclaimer: Also, those three recent Super Smash Brothers one-shots about Yoshi. What was the point?

Yoshizilla: There was no _point_. It was just something fun that I wanted to do, okay? Besides, you know for a fact that Yoshi owns your pitiful soul.

Disclaimer: (sigh) Whatever, freako.

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**ZOMG Lucifer**

Mreeeow meow. Errrr, a-herm, sorry about that, I was practicing the language of cats. (gets weird reactions from the audience) Anyway, here in the old home of the evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) stepmother lived a fat, lazy, smelly and obese grayish cat named Lucifer Malfoy - I mean, just Lucifer. Lucifer the Cat. Why would _anyone_ name their cat that name, I will never know, but that is what he is called, unfortunately. Anyway, the fat-ass cat known as Louie Armstrong-I mean, Lucifer, was just as mean and sneaky as the stepmother's ugly, **UGLY**, _U-G-L-Y_ daughters. And so, um, Lucifer would always attempt to get Cinderella into trouble, even though she was always nice to him.

Lucifer, however, used this as his advantage over sweet Cinderella...

"(Bwa ha ha. Now that stupid Cinderella is being extra nice to me today, I think I'll get her into some more trouble.)" Lucifer evilly laughed with a dastardly chuckle. Approaching the kitchen, he noticed the...

(Very dramatic pause)

...kitchen tray of breakfast that Anastasia was going to eat. He then shifted his eyes towards the mouse hole, and tapped on the wood above. Gus the fat, ugly mouse popped out of the hole. He looked up, and screamed to see Lucifer looking right at him evilly. The fat-ass mouse ran as quickly as he could, but he tripped on the mat. Luffy-errr, I meant Lucifer, gave chase, and the cat and mouse ran around the table several times (expects MGM and Warner Brothers to sue). Until Gus hopped onto the table (how can he when he's so fat?) and Lucifer grinned devilishly as Anastasia came towards her tray, and screamed in a loud, obnoxious tone,

"A Mouse! A mouse! There's a motherf(censored) mouse on my motherf(censored) tray!"

Gus whimpered, and he hopped off the tray. Luigi-argh, I MEANT Lucifer, grinned evilly and watched with glee as Gus sulked his fat-ass into the mouse hole. Lucifer rubbed his paws. There was more to doing evil deeds in the House of Mouse (copyright Disney) then before. (Dun dun duuuuun...)

The next day, Luke-I mean, Lucifer was attacking the fat-ass known as Gus on the couch. Gus jumped from the couch and onto the wooden kitchen table, while Lucifer jumped off the couch and hid under the wooden kitchen table. Going under the table, he tapped up from the bottom of the glass, and Gus screamed, knocking down the kitchen tray of lunch. Anastasia came into the living room, discovered Gus, and angrily screamed obnoxiously again,

"There's the same motherf(censored) mouse on my motherf(censored) tray!"

Cinderella, of course, would once more, unfortunately for poor little old her, get the blame for this. But old Lopez-I DIDN'T say that, I said Lucifer, you get me? - still had many evil things on his small, feline mind.

The very day after the next day, Lucky-whoops, I did it again, I meant to say Lucifer, was chasing Jacques the gangsta pimp mouse and Gus the fat-ass in the kitchen. Gus knocked down the mop (with his fat ass, of course), and it fell on several, very expensive glasses, which broke into many tiny pieces of glass. And not the candy glass they use in films, I mean the REAL, very sharp and painful glass that makes you bleed and that gets recycled from robots in Futurama.

Anyway, back to the main point of this stupid story, Lucifer caught Jacques by the tail, but Jacques struggled. Lucifer then let go, and Jacques went flying (gangsta-style) onto the kitchen tray of breakfast, getting up, only to hear the loud, obnoxious, ear-splitting scream of Anastasia...

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these goddamn motherf(censored) mice on my goddamn motherf(censored) tray!"

Lucifer cackled evilly as he watched Jacques and Gus run into their mouse hole, and watched in glee (and so very much glee, indeed) as poor sweet Cinderella got a harsher scolding from the wise stepmother.

It was a few days later in the afternoon that Louie-argh, I obviously meant Lucifer, spotted Gus the fat-ass standing on the window. Getting a brilliant, _brilliant_, **BRILLIANT**!!! idea, Lucifer hopped onto the window and grabbed Gus swiping at him repeatedly. As Gus McFatty hopped down, Lucifer quickly gave chase, but not before bumping (on purpose) into the flower vase, watching in all of his feline glee as it dropped on the ground and then he gave chase once more at Gus Fatty McFatty. He grabbed the fat-ass mouse, but Cinderella picked up the mouse and scolded Lucifer.

Unfortunately for sweet young Cinderella, the evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) stepmother of Oz was _right behind her_. Looking at the broken pieces of glass of the vase and gasping in horror, she scolded Cinderella and growled, "Why you little...as punishment, you're going to clean out the cinders again!"

Lucifer chuckled. His evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) plans would always be put to blame on poor sweet Cinderella, no matter how much trouble it caused, and he was never scolded by the evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) stepmother of the ugly stepsisters. In fact, he could start a rap band, called "Da StepSistahs". But he was a fat, lazy cat, and he pounced back to the...

...kitchen. In fact, that's where he would usually hang around, because...well, he sleeps there. Duh, of course. And so, he kept sleeping his fat ass for the rest of the day, until...

(Dramatic chord with special effects NOT involving CGI)

He came up with yet another evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) scheme that would once again get poor, sweet Cinderella into trouble. In fact, it was so devilish and brilliant...it nearly made him cry a tear.

It was late that very night. Jacques the pimp gangsta mouse was in the kitchen, searching for any crumbs of cheese. As he sneaked quietly, Lucifer was watching from his bed. As Jacques sneaked right in front of the bed...

BAM!!!!

Lucifer snatched the pimp mouse with his paws, holding a tight grip of Jacques. Jacques struggled, and he attempted to run, but he was pulled back as Lucifer was holding a tight grip on his pimp body. It was the that Gus, AKA Super Fat-Ass, came to the rescue. He ran his fat ass into the kitchen and jumped on Lucifer's nose, causing the grayish cat to let go of Jacques.

Jacques and Gus both ran out of the kitchen in a gangsta-way (which Gus ruined because of his fatness), being chased by Lucifer. As the two mice both hid into the mouse hole, Lucifer crashed into the wall, and several books in the shelves fell. The stepmother and the stepsisters came down quickly from upstairs to see the mess, gasped in horror, and indicated that Cinderella did this. As the nasty stepmother and her worse two daughters marched down to Cinderella's room, Lucifer let out an evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) cackle of triumph, and he then went back into the kitchen to snooze on his comfortable bed.

The next day was the day the fat old King sent invitations to all of the "pretty" girls in the kingdom to marry the Prince (cue yawns from the audience). Lucifer was too busy chasing one of the singing, annoyingly high-pitched bluebirds to notice this, although he did watch the two ugly stepsisters rip off Cinderella's beautiful pink dress.

He only chuckled and went back to sleep, before the next day arrived, and was shocked (and a bit disappointed because he could not torment Cinderella's animal friends anymore) that Cinderella went with the prince, taking all of the barn animals with her except for Lucifer. From that day on, old Lucifer stayed in his bed most of the time, disappointed greatly that he could not do any nasty plots and have sweet Cinderella take any of the blame.

And that is the dramatic view of Lucifer, the fat, gray, lazy, and evil (_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! **_- Mermaidman) cat, on the events of...you know what? Forget the whole damn stupid story you just read. Just go watch Disney's frickin' Cinderella movie. I'm too lazy to explain any further to you folks.

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**THE END**


End file.
